January 7th, 2004

alien © me

sickness all around me!

gah! im sick again! i feel like im going to DIE! my throat HURTS! and i feel so hot! or my face atleast... i feel like crap! im dying!

well... anywho... as i mentioned, i got my pics... i need to upload them onto the net and post em... i tried to do it today, but it wasnt uploading... so i of course got angry and just closed the window... grrr...

i havnt logged on in a long time!!! its been maybe... i dont know... TOO LONG! i finally logged on today cause i wanted to get my pics saved on my PC... i looked through them... good times...

well... school has been pretty good... um... today mr. barton said something to me about me shoes! i got kinda mad... he said i couldnt wear them any more... well, he can kiss me ass!

i tripped in front of the big kids today! :( it was so emabrassing! i didnt completely fall... just... i dont know... i almost skid my knee... in front of the big kids... i felt like such a loser! :( it was awful...

today in english, jessica (A.) told me that my lunch box was "pimpin'"... i just kinda looked at her... i would hav prefered... maybe "cool"... or even "tight"... but "pimpin'"???? i'd rather not....

at lunch today, luwam and i went to the snack shack... and wewere in line... and i was eating my pretzels.... and she looked at me... and gave me a weird look... she looked at me like i was a little girl... she gave me a "its cute how stupid you are" kind of look... and she smile... but a "its cute how stupid you are" kind of smile... and i looked at her... and i said "i dont get it" and she just was like "nothing"... and i felt like sich a little clueless girl... sometimes that what i feel like when im with my "crew"... its not a bad thing... it actually makes me feel kind of adorable... :)... i feel like... a... KELSO!!! yes! i feel like a kelso around them sometimes... but an adorable kelso... cause they look in they eye... its lkike they're saying "awww... your ignorance is so cute..."... im surprised i dont feel like a complete retard... i mean, some times i do... but its ok.... like today, in P.E... i learned what a blow job is really about... they told me that a girl is tpo suck until a guy cums... then you spit it out unless you want to swallow it... and i looked at them in SHOCK! i was like "WhAT???????" and they said something... i dont reemember what... but it was along the lines of "its cute how your so ignorant"... ahhh! my virgin ears! hehe... i even find it cute how im so oblivious to the world around me... im like... a dumb blonde.... :)

i never thought i'd say this... but im talking to jesus... i doubt any of you know who he is... but if you some of the entries of my old journal, you'll know... and i have decided to forgive him... i realized that i couldnt go on living my life with resentment for the guy who made me feel so good... i mean yeah, he lied... yeah he was a jackass... but for how ever long that while was... i felt cared about... and i have him to thank for that... so i decided to just move on... to be a big girl... forgive and forget....
People lie
Things go wrong
Shit happens
But life goes on

and i've decided to let my life go on... and i told him that i forgave him... and he said:

"u said i would forget about u and i haven't but i did want to hear those words"

so now we both have closure... and now im happy...

well... i want to type more, but i have to go call raul ;)

-the end-

<3
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