January 31st, 2004

alien © me

"yesterday was the worse day ever... and tomorrow wont be better..."

so i went to bryan's house today... his mom is uber cool! she's so funny! so bottom line: i had a good day until i got home...

so i got to bryans house like well after one... maybe 1:20... my mom tends to make me late whenever it has to do with MY stuff... i tell her we have to be somewhere at a certain time... she deicided that because its about me, it matters not, so we leave at the house at the time im already supposed to be there!!! but when its about her... we have to be a whole HOUR early!!! GOD!!!! so as you may have guessed... yes, im in a pissy mood!

so... i get to his house... my mom and his mom talk and all... and i get a "tour" of his house... and his room rocks my socks! so after my mom left, we started watching x-men 2... when the movie is almost over... we go to get some more movies... get pizza... and some other stuff... so on our excersion, i find out that bryan's older brother had a kid at 14!!!!! i was like :-o!! he said that he went to spend more time with his uncle (who lived in poway) and he started going to skewl there... and he met this chick... and he got her pregnant... and they were both 14... i was in SHOCK... so now bryan has a 9 year old nephew... i think thats one of the sadest things EVER... so i've decided to stay away from sex for a while... LOL!!! im funny... so i was pretty much in shock for the rest of the day... subconsciencly of course... then we got back to his house... finished watching x-men 2... then we played game cube... then we watched sponge bob, even stevens, sister sister, and thats so raven... then my mom came...

so i get home... my aunt tells me that a guy called me earlier... left no name or number... so now in hella pissed! so i log on... upload some pics... no one talks to me except for my friend carlos... so im all in a pissy mood... then ryulogs on...

im not going anywhere tomorrow after all... he's gonna be busy... so im like "ah!! i want to just... break something... get all my mom's glass cups and slam them against the floor... see them go into tiny pieces flying everywhere... im just so angry right now... i dont even know why...

so now im just here... doing what only i can do best... being me... i got my period on friday... agh... it was awful... horrible day... haha... i read someones journal today... i have to have a little chit chat with my good friend mr. castro...

so... i have this phone card... from when i went to australia... i didn use all the minutes... and i thought "maybe i can call that friend of mine that i havent spoken to in... FOREVER!"... so i got it... dialed all the numbers... dialed his... and as the phone rang... i remember thinking "please dont pick up, please dont pick up!"... he didnt; i got his answering michine... and i thought about it... and i realized all i really wanted was to hear his voice... cuz.. had he picked up... what would have i said? "just wanted to say hi... so hi!"??? who does that??? i just wanted to get that feeling i used to get when he would call me... his voice was always so comferting... even when we argued and were mad at eachother... he made me feel like things were ok... he somehow always managed to make me laugh... i havent heard from him in what seems like an eternity... and i just wanted to hear his voice... i remember that i so badly just wanted to hear his voice... i felt better once i hung up... i sat there... thinking... reminiscing... wondering how he's doing... how his life is... and for a while i just sat... you know? when your just staring off into space... not even really thinking... just looking... like if your brain turns off... thats how it was... i turned my brain off... i felt a little better afterwards...

once i turned my brain i though about other things... like skewl... and friends... monika and i talked the other day... it was nice... we shared quite a few laughs... we TALKED! we uttered words other than "slut", "bitch", "whore"... and it felt really good... i mean... we didnt exactly share a DEEP conversation... we didnt talk about the meaning of like or anything that exactly personal... but we talked... and most importantly... we LAUGHED together! there were almost no akward silences... and it was heart warming to know that we, even NOW... STILL share atleast one common interst (i be you guys can guess waht that is... it has to do with a certain whore... ::coughgough::) i dont know of we'd go as far as to declare eachother "great friends"... but baby steps are fine.... but to know taht even after everything that happened, we still have the ability to talk... it (like anal says) makes my heart smile... i'd say that even a smile is a HUGE break through...
-the end-

<3
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