March 2nd, 2004

alien © me

(no subject)

agh! i've been SOOO lazy to update! i dont know why! usually i cant live without updating... but lately its just like "blah"... maybe too many emotions and things going on to want to think about them... much less WRITE about them... but feelings can only be hidden so deep...

well let me start off by saying: im thinking about handing my "matching best friends with ana rainbow shoe laces" to stephanie... i think she's the one that needs to wear them from now on until... whenever/if ever she and ana stop being best friends... and it turns out in not... fun... :-/

raul... GOD! i dont know what to do! he gets mad over EVERYTHING!!!! GOD!!! its driving me nuts!!! dont know what to do!! its like... i cant live with him, but i cant live without him... or maybe i can... but its been too long for me to get over quickly... he's been my friend since i pretty much first met him! he's put up with so much! and i'd feel real bad if i just walked out on him... so... i dunno...

i'm determined to leave preuss... i'm NOT coming back next year... no matter what... i printed out the application to the school i want to go to... i just need some stuff... and to go to this meeting... im just glad my mom isnt making me stay... i guess it just depends on whether i get into this other school... i pretty much have no reason to stay... my best friend... has new friends... luwam might leave... and it just wont be the same... raul... i dont know... i think it might be best to get away... i'd still keep in touch with him... but i dont know... but! there is bryan... and just the thought of not getting to see him on a daily basis makes me wanna cry...

speaking of me crying... its pretty much all i've been doing! i dont know whats wrong with me! i guess losing ana is really getting to me... yesterday, i was talking to luwam and it just wouldnt stop! it was like "GOD! stop!" but i couldnt... once they feel... they poured! and i was like "uh" cuz i didnt want luwam to feel weird or uncomfertable... cuz she usually consoles with words... and jokes... she's not big on hugs and that kind of stuff... so yeah... then today, ON TOP of the whole ana thing... i had THE worse head ache!!! it hurt SO bad... i felt like soemthing had burst in my brain! and so i asked mr. reyes if i could go to the nurse and i was already crying so i went outside to get some air and he asked... of ALL people: ana and of all days: today! and i was just thinking to myself AGH! not today!!! so we walked and we got there and the nurse wasnt there today! that the hell is the fucking point of having a nurse if she's not gonna even be there when ppl need her!???? i was SO pissed! myhead hurt so bad i would have KILLED for an aspirin... or a gun either would have been fine... but NOOO!!! and i didnt have any midol with me so i was just a WRECK! and astrid and edwin kept arguing in front of me cuz she wouldnt kiss him i just wanted to kick him in the head! he's so disrespectful to girls! he acts like if we're just put here to addent his every need! GOD! once Romeo + Juliet was over, i went to the computer, and mr. reyes came over and told me was gonna call my mom to see what was going on and why i wasnt acting too well in his class... so i was pretty angry about that... then after school: raul again... i just wanted to go home... so i just got on the bus and sat next to the first person i saw... then ride home was never ending... and i realised i had left my key at home so i had to knock and wait for someone to open instead of just getting inside and as i ate my asked me why i was crying in class today i told her about my head ache and handed her the school application then she was like "ok" and she didnt bug me much then i logged on and all the ppl i was talking to, i didnt and still dont know so its like "yeah... i dont know you but ok!" and im not having a geed passed few weeks... but! i AM getting my hair cut next week and im hoping to do some make up shopping... AND! my friend albert gave me his number i was like "uh" but he's cool... so whatever... and this guy wont stop bugging me about mne being a model and giving him pics of me GOD!! its too much! everything all at once and now jesus wants to call me and all he's gonna do is bug me about how im feeling and why and why im all not happy!!!! agh...

so, this weekend, i went to the movies with raul... i saw dirty dancing... and immediately after it was over, i went to go buy the soundtrack... and here i am... listening to it... and drooling all pver the pictures of my new obsession: diego Luna... i know he's not the hottest... but whatever... he's good enough for me... so yeah... i want to go see that one jesus movie... but... not with raul... i've had enough of him for the next 10 weekends... but i dont have any other friends anymore... cuz the one i had is... too cool for me now... and plus im not fun, so i'd hate to bore her... maybe bryan... or... i'll just ask my mom... being the un-fun and un-cool person that i am...

i need a life...




most of all...




friends...




true friends...
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