March 15th, 2004

alien © me

(no subject)

i feel so... unloved right now...

i was reading some journals... and i feel like no one likes me... no one ever talk s to me... no one ever opens up to me... im just here... roaming the halls... only noticed when someone has something mean to say to me... or just simply piss me off... or talk shit... i roam the halls... and walk in and out of classrooms... for three years... and still i've earned nothing... one would think that by now... i would have friends... friends i trust and can open up to... and vice versa... but i dont... everyone i at one point considered a friend... is just... too good for me... or so it seems... whenever something happens to one of these people... im always the last to find out... and you'd think that after three years someone would take notice of me... but no one ever does... i just sit... i hate it... im not one to stand out... nore am i one to completely face into the croud... im just in between... im only there when someone needs something from me... or when its conveniet to them... in three years... i havent earned HALF of what someone who has been at my school for six months has... and i hate it... i feel... so unwanted at my school... i have no friends... no one i can talk to... no one i truely trust... whenever i think i do... it just... slips and falls out of my hands... and it hurts... it hurts to sit here day after day... hoping someone will say "hey, whatever happend to denise? i wonder how she's doing... im gonna go talk to her..." but no one ever does... and IF someone does... they do for like... five minutes and then just... move on... lose interest... i want to leave... move away... far away... and never look back... i want to move away to a place that has never seen my face... start over... hopfully find what i've been longing for my whole life... or not even that... just start over... live life unnoticed... live life faded into the crowds...

i feel so unloved... unwanted... unaccepted... bryan has this pin on his backpack... i dont remember exactly what it says... but it says something like freedom is when people can live their life without the need of labels... i feel like im the only person who doenst have a label... its only "cool" to not have a label when no one else around doesnt have a label... but when everyone else is fit into a category... and you're the only one who's just left out... alone... its... depressing... i feel like no matter who i talk to... who i hang out with... i will always be the one left out... and i think thats fuck.
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alien © me

(no subject)

ugh... my dad just stopped by... butmore than that... he stopped by with some old childhood friends... people i grew up with... and at first from far away i was like "who the hell is that?"... but i got close and saw them... heard their voices... and memories just came flooding back... memories of my worriless childhood... i was like whoa! they were some friends of the family... they babysat me for a while... i liked them... they were nice... and i hadnt seen them in 216354321384 thousand years! it was nice seeing them again...


and yes... even now... at 15... i am still shy...





this is what i got... its quite frightening...

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