April 12th, 2004

alien © me

i feel like i breathe a bit better...

raul and i are friends.


just friends. normal friends. or... as normal as things get when your friends with raul. i talked to him. and... we... well.. talked. (obviously.

dont get me wrong. i like him. i might even love him. but. its just. im not ready for that. not right now. if i were ever to get together with raul, it would have to be long term, being what both he AND i want. and. im too. im too me. im simply not ready for... "comitment". im not ready to just buckle down with someone and be with them for a long time. im not... mature enough for that. im the kind of girl, that can have 11354185138541354616 zillion crushes all at one time. im the kind of girl who meets a guy, trusts him right away, and likes him in a matter of minutes. its just... too much for me to handle right now. i think i need time. time to mature. time to figure out what it is i want... and with who. and i FINALLY told him. all this time i've been... "making up excuses". i didnt lie to him. i just never really told him how i felt. i didnt want him to think that i didnt like him. or that i didnt care. cause i do. ALOT. but. im just not ready. and i finally told him, and he understood. and we agreed that we'd be friends. just friends. normal friends. and now... i feel like i can breathe a bit better. ya know? like... i dont know... as cliche as this might sound, i feel like a weight has been lifted... and it feels good.







on a WAY different note:
a) im talking to joel. yayness times 935743218468618999. he can make me feel so much better about things. and now, im feeling better like whoa!
b) yesterday i went to raul's house for easter. and i had fun.

so. i woke up. they were gonna pick me up like at two. i showered like at noon. i was ready at about 1:30, but he still had to shower, etc. so he sent his mom to come pick me up, when she came, i was busy udating me journal. so i ended it, and left. i got to his house and we ate (i hadnt eaten anything), watched tv. then we decided to go to the movies.

have i mentioned how adorable his grand parents are???? his dad gave him like $23... then when we got in the car, his grandma gave him a 20. and she's not exactly the waelthiest person. i mean, she lives in tj. raul's grandpa is a hair cutter guy. but she stll had the heart, to give him 20 dollars for him to spend. and when he insited that she keep her money, she refused to take it back. <3, i so badly just wanted to give her a hug.

so we got there, but ALL THE STORES were closed. grrr. i got a bit frustrated, but i was ok.

we saw Walking Tall it was ok... and johnny knowville is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hot! it was kinda funny.

it was a short movie.

once it was over, we left. we went back home. then we watched tv for a while. then we looked for eggs. :). i found MORE THAN RAUL! haha. the loser. and i got a basket. and it was fun. we got confetti everywhere too. haha. i had fun. but then i had to go home. and i did. i went home. showered. talked to raul. and got stuff ready for school. eww. school.

today was ok. i got to see bryan. (:. he shaved his head. he looks funny. but i still love him.

and... i might go to albert's house this saturday. we'll see.
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