April 15th, 2004

alien © me

...born to be unhappy...

agh. i've been so lazy to update. its just... blah.

well... on tuesday, we went to the little kids thing in advisory. we got new kids. my group is ana, bobby, and i... we got three kids: ilianna, jessica, and... i dont remember the other girl's name. i think ilianna really likes me. and she doesnt call me "denise"... she calls me "buddy".

one of our kids started crying. :(

it was so sad. at first she was just like... there. she was fine. but we all sat down and were playing with some magnet letters, and she just wasnt talking at all. at first i didnt notice, cause thats the girl that was given to ana at first. so i was like "lalalala... playing with the little kids"... then i noticed that ana was like "she's not talking to me" to bobby. so i tried talking to her. she did not respond. she just had her had kind of down not looking at us. then i pulled a chair next to her and tried talking to her, and got NO responce. then bobby, ana, and the other 2 girlies, went outside to play in the sand box, but i stayed trying to talk to her. and we even tried to get ilianna to talk to her, but she simply wouldnt talk. so i told mr. reyes, and he said not to worry about it, but if i just felt her there, i would have felt bad, so then she's putting her head lower and lower, then she starts gubbing her eyes, then i saw that one of her eyelashes was wet, and i realized she was crying. i felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. i didnt do anything to her, but i still felt uber bad. then i told mr. reyes that she was crying, and he told me to get one of the ladies, and i did. then i was told that the girl is just uber shy, and she just wont talk to people when she doesnt know them and blah blah blah. pretty much the story of my life. or childhood. cuz i was ubre shy when i was little. i still am alittle shy, but not nearly as much as i used to be. so then they told me it was ok, and to just go with the rest of my possy. and i did. we played in the sand for like... 15 min? and then we had to go, and ilianna got all "not dont go, or ima put"... but we still had to go, so she pouted. but it was all right. i had lots of fun. :)

so yesterday in english, ms. libby came and was reading scenes from the plays we wrote. she read MINE. thats right MINE... she read MINE! i was "oh... wow" i liked the way the actors did it. it sounded the way i hoped. i just NEVER thought ANY of MY writing would be "read out loud to the whole class and have my professional actors play it out for everyone" material. ya know? im just such an awful writer. i know for a fact that when i grow up, that writing is DEFINITELY NOT something i can fall back on. agh. eww. writing.

mmmmmm... taffy. i COULD fall back on the taffy industry. ;)

well... as it turns out, raul really ISNT ok with us just being friends. and he's unbelievably unhappy with the plan. but i dont know what to do. he was unhappy before, and he's unhappy now. and this WHOLE week had just been hell, in the topic of "raul". and i just... agh. i need a weekend. NOW!

im talking to an old preuss student, and friend of mine: ivan. wow. i havent heard from in forever and a half. and i've been talking to him since i got home. which is good. i never thought i could hold a conversation with ivan for this long. :) he seems to be doing good. and he knows about rual and i (raul and him talk)... and yeah. im glad he's doing good.

i lost leoni's eye liner... and i feel bad. i bought one for myself. so yay for me. hopefully i wont lose it this time. cause that would make three.

im tired, my tummy hurts. and blah!
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