May 7th, 2004

alien © me

(no subject)


it seems i have made a huge mistake.

i do not hate preuss... i do not despise preuss.

what i hate... what i truely dispise, are the people who attend preuss. not exactly everyone. just a certain someone. ok, first, my best friend ditches me, and shows no concern for the pain that that causes me. then, one of the only friends i have in advisory. i guess ditiching me once isnt good enough. when i say "hey, your in my seat..." that kinda means "hey, your in my seat, GET OUT!"

i guess not you really dont need to UNDERSTAND english, to try to wtie in it, after all.

i dont hate pruess at all... i hate the people at preuss. ALOT.

people have the never to tell me I'M cold.

ha. thats almost funny.
  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off
alien © me

(no subject)

ok... i've realized i've skipped alot of things. not because i dont want to talk about them, but they just slip my mind when i update.

1) my mom and george broke up. his ex-wife (he too is divorced) sued him. for ALOT of money! this was way back when. all his kids are over age, but before, he was paying child support, then she found out how much he was making, and she sued him for MORE money. back then, he was in the process of moving, so he never got anything from court, so the case was automatically given to her. so now he had to pay like 60 grand... but something happened and they lowered it to 30 grand, but all in all, he still has to pay. even though all his kids are OVER AGE! so now he cant do anything. he cant DO ANYTHING! so they decided it would be bst to just break up. :( im so sorry for my mom. they other day she told me that she missed him. she missed when he called. and i felt so hopeless, cause i had NOTHING to say. i didnt know how to make her feel better. and i just wanted to shoot myself.

2) my aunt and cousin left about a week or so ago. things arent too differnt, but they definitely arent the same. my cousin isnt here. my aunt isnt here. and the house seems so much more empty. i miss them. i get my room back. and we went shopping for another mattress. it was supposed to come today, but the people are retarted and dont understand it has to come after four, b/c no one will be here before even after my mom told the lady, and she said oh... ok... we'll schedule the delivery after four. arg! but i DID find a YELLOW comferter! and im just kind of gonna mix and match, and see waht i can come up with. none of the sheet sets that we saw exactly impressed me. i want to see if i can get a a theme of "yellow, pink, and orange"... i want to bed to screem denise!!!... my bed is one of my most prised posetions. i want to to be... personal sort of. but anywho. back to my aunt and my cousin: i miss them. i dont get too see them. things are just... differnt.

3) my mom is HOPEFULLY getting a new car. hopefully by next week... or the week after that. its a kia something. im happy for her. thats what she's been wanting. although, she's been wanted an SUV, but she doesnt like the way it uses the gas fast. so she's just getting a sedan. whatever.

i downloaded some mars volta songs, cause people are telling me they're good. they ARE good. i really like them. like whoa! guys should listen to some of their stuff. NOW!

i think im done. well, i painted my nails lime green. and i added yellow polka dots today.

speeking of polka dots, i think i might get polka dot sheets.
  • Current Mood
    numb numb
alien © me

(no subject)

4) i forgot... Joel called me last week. the day of my play. i needed to hear his voice. i never realized how much it made me feel better until that day. and it sucks cause i almost didnt get to talk to him. he called, and it was like 11, and my mom answered, and she told him i was asleep (cause she thought i was), and then he told her it was joel, then she decided to come check instead, and she handed me the phone. i though it was raul, but when i asked her, she shook her head. so i answered, and it was him. <3. i felt so much better. i talked to him for a while too. and it was just... whoa... i miss him so much. and he's not gonna come visit me. so its official: my summer is conna suck cock... worse than... ok... lets leave it at that. so yeah. daniel's OBVIOUSLY NOT gonna visit me. neitehr is joel. i decided to not go to comic con... i hate always being the odd one out. so... i know its gonna suck. but back to joel: it was great talking to him. it felt so i good i almost cried. he's kind of like my oasis. one that im only privaleged to so often. when i talk to him, its like im a differnt person: im a happy person. he makes me laugh, he makes me smile, me makes me feel good. me takes the numbness out of me. the hollowness. he revives me with his... personality. and his accent. he's such a wonderful friend. i would give the wrold to get to give him one last hug. i remember, at the hotel, when taylor was like kicking him out cause she was scared about getting caught... when he was saying bye to all of us. when he hugged annie... paige... then me. he hugged me really tight.. and he even lifted me up. he's so funny. he has such a great personlity. such a great sense of humor. he lifted me up, and i laughed. then he left. he walked out the door. and i wanted to walk with him, atleast to the stairs. but i didnt want to risk running into one of the teachers. so thats where it ened. lol, and then i remember annie and i calling nic and kenneth and telling me we did all this stuff, when in fact, we didnt. and they were all like "i cant believe you did... eww!"... it was so funny. then when we told them we were just kidding, and that nothing happened, they were like "oh... ok... i knew you didnt do anything with him." and that brings me to the next thing: i miss them. annie, kenneth, nic, lauren, nicole, and allana. i miss them so much. a long time ago, anthony, alexis, and shania asked me why all my friends where white.

Because they've been better friends than anyone at that table had been.

thats why. the friendship i have with them is TRUE friendship. it wasnt temperary thing. it wasnt like "ok, im gonna call you my friend until i become popular... so then i can ditch you"
it wasnt "ima call you my friend b/c no one else even notices me..."
or "im not gonna call you my friend, really... only when i see you have something i want. or i need something from you"
it definitely wasnt "ima call you my friend so that it seems like i have alot of friends" or "ima call you my friend for these next few weeks, but once its done, im gonna forget about you, ok?"

it was true genuine friendship. and i miss them so much it hurts. alot. i feel like part of me is missing. i have to go look at my pictures now.
  • Current Music
    chariot - gavin degraw