May 15th, 2004

alien © me

(no subject)

him: watcha doing todaY?
me: being emo about how the people i once thought were friends, were and are nothing but a big lie

wow... i hadnt even realized that how i felt. amen to opening up.
alien © me

"everywhere you go, i will come to you... but i wont bring you down..."

i had a good day yesterday.

yes. i did.

but before i get to that, something that have slipped my mind.

last week, people kept giving me compliments. for 2 days straight. it was weird.

last week, summer (of all people), told me i looked sexy. yes. summer. when she told me this, i wanted to go cry of like happiness. summer is one the hottest people i know. for her to say something like that to me. it made my ego go up. alot. (but then it went back down to normal). but i felt good for the rest of the day. :)

im hoping to get my pet mouse (gary) and maybe a hamster (nester) this weekend. i want them NOW! i already have a place in my room for them. i got my mattress on... tuesday i THINK! i dont remember. but this whole week has been :get stuff cleaned and organized; set up room. and i have a place for my new pets. yay.

on tuesday, in avid, we went to the child daycare center thing. and my "group" (no longer my group, i told mr. reyes if i could be on my own,a nd he said yeah, yay!) was NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! and i, of course got pissed, b/c its not fair that everyone is getting the same hours for spending time with the kids, but not EVERYONE is spending time with the kids, SOME PEOPLE (ana and bobby) are just wandering off and just fucking around doing a whole load of NOTHING (leaving ME to do EVERYTHING!), yet we ALL still get our hours. thats not fair! not just to me, but to the WHOLE class! they were the only 2 who werent doing their hours worth. even christain, mrquis, tseguye! were with their kid(s) and speing time with them. so i had a talk with mr. reyes, and he agreed. but i doubt he'll do anything. gr. but anywho, i was with my kid (hunter)Collapse ) and i was reading to him (we were on our third book) and we were outside by the sand box, and he kept leaning his head on my arm/shoulder, and i felt all warm inside and i was smiling inside :), and then he look up at me and he said "i love you!"

and my heart like burst! burst from happiness. i felt so special. and for the rest of the day i was glad taht ana and bobby were being jerks and not helping out at all. i was glad that it was just me reading to him. me and him spending time. b/c i had that special moment all to myself. something that was mine, and only mine. something that i could feed off of whenever im thinking about the selfish cold-hearted monsters that people are. something all to myself. all mine. then we played basket ball. he shot in like 2/3... i shot in...... zero... seriously. but thats ok! then we... payed hide and seek, and he hid under the table! it was SO cute! and i pretened like i didnt know where he was, but then i found him. and he giggled. and so did i :). then we had to go. :(

I HAD SUCH A GOOD DAY YESTERDAY! it was just so perfect! in english we did these poems with only the words that she gave us. and it fun. im quite happy with the peom i made :). then i SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO did NOT want to go to spanish. thats the class that just RUINS my days! and i told raul i didnt want to go to class. and then he asked if i wanted to ditch, andi laughed, haha, eaul and his joker self. he kept asking. then i wanted to. then i just thought about it, and i REALLY wanted to. so we did. we ditched 2nd period. and it was awesome! we went to the price center. we ate, then we went to the bookstore. i saw this pirate book, about the history and whatnot, and i wanted it, but it was $20. :(. then we went to the top level and i got tape, this paper thing, and stickey things. and then we had to go back. and it was fun. then pe. i got to talk to lem[on] and we talked about her and isaac. and it was pretty cool. then geometry, for once, was not a drag. and i just had a good day. it was awesome. i got home, and we went to the laundry mat, cause my mom had to do alot of blankets, and we thought it would be easier. and while we were folding them, this guy walls in. he was really cute! he was the the "ghetto" kind of guys. and he was really cute! i like melted! he had a cap on... and a big dark shirt. some pants. some white shoes. iversons... the ones taht look like air force ones. and he was just so hot! and we kept eye-flirting, cause he noticed me too, and he kept eyeing me and eye flirting back. but then i had to go, and i was crying inside [but it did NOT ruin my day, seeing actually made it better :)], then we went to godfathers pizza, and we ate, and it was yum. then we needed a box, and i asked the lady at the register, and she was like "sure", but then this guy, who was like packing some stuff in boxes, was like, you need a small box, and he went into the kitechen part and came out with a box, and he said something that i didnt understand, and then he said "cause im perfect like that" and i giggled, and he was like folding it into a box and he started talking to me, and he asked me what i had, and if it was good. and then he said "you dont gotta be shy" cause i was like "uh... hehe... ::giggle::" and answering his questions shyly, and then he asked me my name! and i was like "denise" and he said "thats a pretty name" and then i just like died! then he was done folding it into shape, and then he said "have a good night", and i died once more. and he was kida cute too! and when i got back to the table, my mom gave me a look like "haha... oh wow" and i just laughed. then we talked about... just... things. insignificant. me and raul, her and george. stuff. i havent mentioned it lately, but i love my mom. she's so great. and im uber glad taht she and i get along (most of the time). i feel bad for people, like ana, who dont exactly have a great relationship with their moms. cause it must really suck. :(. my mom and i get along pretty good which is great! then we came home, and i did my bed... bla bla bla. then i called raul, we talked, and i told him about how i had a great day. and everything was perfect. and it felt so good. i did NOT dare tell him aobut my 2 encounters with the guys, cause then he would et jealous. i had such a great day. it felt so good.

i recently finished a book called "go ask alice" and towards the end, this character named "joel" is added to the "cast". and this character is described as a "perfect", loving, caring, humorous, friendly guy. and whenever the girl described him, and talked about how great he was, i'd get teray eyed, cause it was just like if she were talking about MY joel. and it made me miss him alot more. and i just felt loney. and just... empty. and when she described about how much she missed him, and how she wanted to see him, how much she needed him, i felt like i could relate. and my heart would just shatter. it was aweful. i doubt he'll be calling anytime soon, cause its long distance, and it'd cost alot. but, it would be so great if he did. then i could tell him about my great day, and he could humor me, and make me feel good the way he does. :(

not too long ago, i talked to my little orphan annie, and it felt so good. i told her how much i miss her, and she dittoed that. and i miss her. and i went through my pictures yesterday. im still amazed by the bond i formed with these people after only so long.

today hasnt been taht bad either, although for a while i got thinking, and DID REALLY feel REALLY emo, but i talked to charlie, for the first time in WEEKS (his excuse: ap test, and studying for them, i guess thats a reasonable one) and we just talked, and stuff. and i felt better. he said he might visit me this summer. i doubt it, and i refuse to getmy hopes up, plans might end up like theo nes i had with joel and daniel for this summer.

thanks guys (some of you) for being here for me. thanks for (some of you) showing your concern. especially you, ryan, you rock, seriously. you'll never how much your acts of kindness and concern mean to me. thanks :)

♥ Denise
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