July 23rd, 2004

alien © me

(no subject)

gary is going to die.





i took him to the vet today. its a tumor-ish thing he has. he COULD have it surgically removed, but it would cost between $150 and $200 dollars. but my family (especially MY family) is not made of money. so. i just ist back and watch. they said that its just going to keep growing, and eventually its going to get in the way of him going to the bathroom, and he'll just... die. they gave me a number of a place that i can take him for those final days.





i just wanted to burst into tears and cry right then and there. i just felt... so empty inside. i felt like everything inside me hurt. even every strand of hair. but i some how managed to keep it in. when we got in the car, i was so close to just letting loose. but i didnt... although a few tears did manage to escape... then when i got to raul's house, i jumped on his bed, and cried.





i hate the way everythime i get really attatched to something/someone, it gets taken away from me. always.




i had to go the rest of the day without showing any sign of heart break, then i got home, and while raul and his mom were still there, we talked about it, keeping my posture. but as soon as they left. my mom looked at me, and she automaticallly knew i was hurting. so gave me a hug, and i tried to say "he's gonna die..." but i couldnt. it was like my voice was been washed away with the tears that were streaming down my face.





raul's mom suggested a new mouse. but i think it'll be a while before i bring myself to get a new one. its not as easy as just replacing one with another. not for me at least.









i can't help but wonder how rediculous you all think i am for crying over a mouse.



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