August 18th, 2004

alien © me

i gues... i guess its all relative...

blah.




to all of you.






i dont know if i mentioned this, but i saw AVP last friday, and it too was "blah". although rual loved it.

i didnt exactly have a great day today. not "bad", but not good.

work sucked.

charlie said he would call me, but hasnt, which is good, cause i dont think i'd have a great time talking to him.


im feeling not too good about myself again. and it wont go away.


i went dress shopping again, i didnt really find anything.

and i think i need more friends than just raul.

im tired.

and boys are stupid.


i had an odd dream last night.

i dreamt that raul's mom was having an affair with some guy that looked A LOT like raul's dad, but wasnt raul's dad. and only i knew about it, and i really badly wanted to tell raul, but i felt bad cause she let me work with her, and she payed me, and she trusted me, but then eventually i did, but then raul just randomly started trying to harass me, and i was running away from him. and i dont know. it was odd.

i was gonan say something, but i forgot.

oh, raul and i saw ivan and cesar at mission today. and raul was being a poopy face.

and i feel bad cause raul wants me to go to caro's quince, but i want to go to the other quince. and i feel like crap. and i want to dig a whole and stay there until... someone comes and saves me and makes everything better and teaches me how to smile again.

cause its been so long since i could truely smile, and not have to fake it, that i dont how to anymore.
  • Current Music
    Jack Johnson - It's All Understood